Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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