his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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