I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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