started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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