Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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