your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
