just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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