she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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