Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
