South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
