I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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