you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize