I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
