feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
