It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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