i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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