Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
