No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
