I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
