I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
