sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
