i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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