I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
