I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
