So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
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Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
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More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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