i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
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I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
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Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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