Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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