Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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