the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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