At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
