how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
