dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
