I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize
