just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
