Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
