So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize