If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
