so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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