thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
In other news, I just burned my penis
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
