In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
