I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
