I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
