he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
