I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
