I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
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