you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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