I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
