I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
