I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize