I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
