it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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