can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
