Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
