Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
