Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
