Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
