I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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