dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
