East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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