Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
