I bet he comes in French.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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