im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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