My brain says no but my pants say off.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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