It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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