I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
