Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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