I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize