I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
