I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
