She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
