dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
