my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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