Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
