she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
