The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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