If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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