My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
