I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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