I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
