i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
