but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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