Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
