Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
